Healing Origins: Self Care and Inner Transformation

H. Elizabeth Burke MA, Buddhist, Taoist and Hawaiian Insights, Wisdom, Prayers & Healing.
Home » Posts tagged 'Communicate and connect with your partner'

Why does he pull away, I just want to talk.

You know how when you are communicating with a partner, spouse or lover and it can sometimes feel like a tango, full of approach and avoidance?

You really want to talk with your beloved, you have something vital to say and you feel a lot of energy surrounding what you want to share with them. You all know the feeling, right? So, you find the perfect time to talk and you approach your partner and the dance begins.

You start the conversation and all of a sudden you feel him energetically back away and you wonder, why is he backing away why does the man I love, who loves and cares for me creating this distance between us? We all take this distancing to heart and feel hurt when in reality your partner is just maintaining his energetic comfort zone.

Think of it this way. Have you ever been in a line at the grocery store or bank and felt someone come up behind you, just a little bit too close for comfort. Or have you been in conversation, with someone new perhaps, who just comes in too close, who feels “in your face.”

What do you want to so when this happens? Me, I want to step back and re-establish a boundary between us, so I have my personal space back. This is fine but if you are frustrated within your relationship, because your spouse, partner or friend seems to be creating distance instead of intimacy, Here’s energy practice to try.

Instead of moving in or stepping forward to close that gap you feel between you-step back. That’s right, step back. I know, this sounds all wrong, even counter-intuitive, because you want to be closer, you want to get your point across or to share something really important with this person you are talking to.

You want to lean in. I know I’ve felt this way too but trust me, just try it, step back and see what happens. By stepping back you are increasing the energy and spatial distance between the two of you and the other person will sense this. They may even feel you are pulling away.

Sensing this, they will often step forward to maintain the customary energy field between you. They will come to you. And this is where the conversation can begin.

I have an image that might help you. Imagine that your two hands are people in a conversation. Place your hands at shoulder width apart about 10 inches, now move your right hand in 2 inches. What happens? The distance between your hands goes from 10 to 8 inches.

To maintain the same distance between your hands your left hand has to move back 2 inches, right? And each time your right hand moves forward 2 inches your left hand has to move back to maintain the 10 inches between you.

But what if you moved your right hand back 2 inches from the start? Instead of moving in, you step back, you create more space. Then right away your left hand has to move toward your right hand to keep the 10-inch distance between you.

Instead of feeling like distance is being created you experience the person you love coming towards you instead of going away or drawing back. There is power in holding your own space and respecting your partner’s energy field as well.

When I shared this exercise with a client, who had been married for nearly 20 years, she marveled at its simplicity. She called the next day and said when she tried it with her husband that night it was like talking to a new man.

She was amazed that he was so receptive. She shared that conversations had been fraught with difficulties for years and now everything was different. She felt more at ease too because she didn’t feel he was trying to avoid her. And she didn’t feel like she was doing all the work in the relationship. She felt happy, heard and connected again to the man she loved.

Try this simple yet affect exercise and see how the dynamics of your conversations with your loved ones and friends changes. Each client over the last ten years, that I have shared this with has been amazed at how different their conversations became. They experienced ease, openness and relaxation and felt less lonely, hurt, frustrated and anger as their partners began to waltz with them in conversation.

If you want to finally understand the energy dynamics within your relationships I know I can help you. Energy healing has been the focus of my work for 25 years. Everything is energy and when we uncover the dance of energies alive in our lives we can change almost anything that is affecting us and transform our lives.

I know I can help you if you really want to understand the energy dynamics within your relationships and urgently want to make change. I absolutely love working with relationships and unraveling the cause-effect relationships that are alive in your life.

Energy practices, and somatic therapy combined with intuitive and spiritual insights can help you see the big picture and bring harmony and healing to your relationships. Experience insight, empowerment and greater well-being as a result.